I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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