Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
