What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
