I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
