would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize