You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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