chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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