Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
