I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
