I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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