if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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