I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
