saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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