I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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