You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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