i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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