I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
