hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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