There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
