I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
