you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
