I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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