my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Randomize