marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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