ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have aggressive nipples.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
