Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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