Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish there were birth control emojis
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
