Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we're making bets on your personal life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
