so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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