Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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