I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
