It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize