just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
