Ambien. No doubt about it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
