actually, I'm a sock model
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
