mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
