i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
