when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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