when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
