i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
we're so committed to being not committed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize