I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
