Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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