During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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