therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
