who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
