Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
