sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
