There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
