I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
