My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's blow job season.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
