Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
