Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
