if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
