I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
