The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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