If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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