I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize