Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think my moral compass just broke
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
