I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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