Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
