I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
