What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
