Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
