My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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