No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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