I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
