Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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