We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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