Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize