I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
