omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
