he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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