my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
