oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
