Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
