Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
