need another drink. this is the easiest way
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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