Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
