How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
