You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
