My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
